According to the taxonomical and biological life research experts, a new family of primates has been discovered in the country. Aptly named as Unculturis Primatus Allianzitus a.k.a UPA, this particular variety is seen in and around the parliament and has an affinity to khadi(Gandhi supporters, it seems). These animals are often mistaken for humans as they walk on their hinds and even tend to speak in something that seems to be anthropomorphic.
The aforementioned species is in news, as of lately, when some specific members of the family was accused of stealing Crushed and Washed Groundnuts(commonly known as CWG), worth several crores, from the govt. godowns, which was meant for the poor and down-trodden politicians of the country. By a special process, known as Dumass Minion Kross-over, between the southern yellow spectacled macaque and the UPA has resulted in a hybrid variety which proved to b 2G.ood for its shoes. This hybridisation rendered the govt.treasury poorer by another 1.76 lakh crores. The UPA are a violent species specialising in gorrilla warfare which can easily be seen on public portals showing a lok sabha session.
The UPA is said to have bred from an Italian imported variety which, later announced itself as a native of the country..(huh, dream on!!). This species on mating with the existing Indian variety resulted in a new generation of monkeys with an unfounded liking for t-shirts and three-fourths unlike the traditional khadi. There has been an evolution from this Italian variety to a new version with special features of highly developed brain inside a cute sky-blue head and is characterised by the absence of a notochord or backbone. Going by Charles Darwin's theory of survival of the fittest, the UPA is facing stiff competition from other species which evidently possess lower mental abilities but boasts of higher physical resources like the Ballus Jangoed Politiciacus and Leftorius Demographic Frontis. But the UPA has survived till now because of its relatively sharper intellect.
The staple food of these animals is same as that of humans and as an addition they also feast upon petroleum products. Experts are blaming these monkeys for the inflation in the country as they consume all the items that were meant for the common man or AAM AADMI(pun intended), thus resulting in dearth of the goods culminating in an overall fall in supply, hence fuelling price-rise. Also, they are the principle vectors of the dreaded pathogen HIV(Honesty Impairing Virus). Recently, a scientist Anna Hazare, along with his group, had successfully discovered a vaccine for the same called the Jan Lokpal Bill, which is in the pipe right now, awaiting mass production(yeah.. like that's gonna happen!!)
According to vox populi, this species must be exterminated and all available dna records must be quashed so that the future generations dont suffer any of the problems that the present generation . For the greater good of the country, let us all join forces and make them appear on the UN's list of endangered species..
The aforementioned species is in news, as of lately, when some specific members of the family was accused of stealing Crushed and Washed Groundnuts(commonly known as CWG), worth several crores, from the govt. godowns, which was meant for the poor and down-trodden politicians of the country. By a special process, known as Dumass Minion Kross-over, between the southern yellow spectacled macaque and the UPA has resulted in a hybrid variety which proved to b 2G.ood for its shoes. This hybridisation rendered the govt.treasury poorer by another 1.76 lakh crores. The UPA are a violent species specialising in gorrilla warfare which can easily be seen on public portals showing a lok sabha session.
The UPA is said to have bred from an Italian imported variety which, later announced itself as a native of the country..(huh, dream on!!). This species on mating with the existing Indian variety resulted in a new generation of monkeys with an unfounded liking for t-shirts and three-fourths unlike the traditional khadi. There has been an evolution from this Italian variety to a new version with special features of highly developed brain inside a cute sky-blue head and is characterised by the absence of a notochord or backbone. Going by Charles Darwin's theory of survival of the fittest, the UPA is facing stiff competition from other species which evidently possess lower mental abilities but boasts of higher physical resources like the Ballus Jangoed Politiciacus and Leftorius Demographic Frontis. But the UPA has survived till now because of its relatively sharper intellect.
The staple food of these animals is same as that of humans and as an addition they also feast upon petroleum products. Experts are blaming these monkeys for the inflation in the country as they consume all the items that were meant for the common man or AAM AADMI(pun intended), thus resulting in dearth of the goods culminating in an overall fall in supply, hence fuelling price-rise. Also, they are the principle vectors of the dreaded pathogen HIV(Honesty Impairing Virus). Recently, a scientist Anna Hazare, along with his group, had successfully discovered a vaccine for the same called the Jan Lokpal Bill, which is in the pipe right now, awaiting mass production(yeah.. like that's gonna happen!!)
According to vox populi, this species must be exterminated and all available dna records must be quashed so that the future generations dont suffer any of the problems that the present generation . For the greater good of the country, let us all join forces and make them appear on the UN's list of endangered species..
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