Our take on Terrorism
Terrorism has been a reality for millions of years. From a couple of hyenas employing the concept to take out hundreds of deer to hundreds of Naxalites employing the same concept to take out a couple of policemen, the world has come a long way. Terrorism is often used when one side is at a disadvantage compared to its enemy. When America had Fighter bombers, submarines, drones, the Ironman and a lot of similar stuff, all the bin Laden people had were funny names. So with the odds against him, what did that Father of modern terrorism Osama do? Turned an iconic American skyscraper into stuff you’d use in a recipe to make pickle. Shows you that outside of the movies, stuff like fighter jets and the Ironman don’t really work.
India has had its fair share of terrorism. Ajmal Kasab probably meant to blow up the Taj Mahal and asked a guy from Kerala for directions. “Oh Taj? Go straaaaaaight”. Hearing this, the idiot went straight and bombed the wrong Taj, some hotel in Mumbai, it turned out to be.
The LTTE has caused Sri Lanka vast problems. Sri Lanka responded with a large hairy monster of their own. Lasith Malinga. This crazy man avenged the losses of his countrymen by aiming hard cricket balls at the head, feet and everything in between of every person who had the misfortune to set eyes on him, until of course he was beaten to a pulp in the IPL by a certain McCullum.
After their amazing exploits with explosives, the members of Al-Qaeda have been awarded a lucrative deal by Warner Brothers to star in their action movies and Osama has been made the next Jason Bourne for managing to evade arrest so exquisitely.
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In India, the discoverer of terrorism is believed to be Veerappan. There are rumours that sandalwood was smuggled within that moustache of his. Similar to Robin Hood, he stole from the rich and gave to the poor. But completely differing from Robin Hood, he was pumped in the chest a couple of hundred times and died squealing piteously for his mommy in rural Tamil Nadu.
The Mao-ists are another group of crack terrorists in India. I’m sure you know what mao in ‘LMAO’ stand for. If Lalit ‘Moronic’ Modi had still been in power, it’s a pretty sure thing he’d have pulled up the Assam Maoists, Orissa Naxals, Tamil Tigers and all and formed a tournament with huge prize-money and cheerleaders and stuff. Wonder if Ms.Jayalalitha could weave any of her old magic as a cheerleader? Cute names the militant groups have though.
Guerilla warfare is a tactic employed by terrorists and has been derived from, well, guerillas. You figure the rest out yourself. Afghanistan employs guerilla warfare. Using the element of surprise, they kill a couple of American soldiers. In return, the Americans, using no element of surprise whatsoever, bomb the guts out of Kabul and reduce the Afghan population to numbers you can count on your hands. Way to go, guerilla warfare.
The Taliban is extremely influenced by the teachings of becrazed religious fanatics and the action sequences of Die-Hard. America’s technique of terrorism is to create and export weapons that decapitate the enemy’s ears. Weapons are given weird names like A-kon, Jay-Z etc. A while back, Jay-Z tried to sing the title song of ‘Titanic’. That’s when the Titanic crashed.
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