Our take on South Indian movies

South Indian movies

The single greatest application of human imagination has to be the South Indian film industry. From one man armies who dance like they had a personal grievance against Micheal Jackson, to semi clad actresses who run around tall trees, South Indian movies has it all.

And so, a simple matter of a guy hitting another guy would start with  a booming sound, followed by slow motion zoom-ins that show every strand of the hero’s  moustache, after which a long dialogue would commence about the relative pros and cons of the punch he is about to deliver, after which along with the beats of a drum, the hero begins to fly towards the villain. This is the cue for everyone in the theatre to jump up and act like they were witnessing the work of God himself. (True though that Ganpati gets 2 coconuts per day, whereas Mohanlal gets 4.)

Exaggerations are the name of the game in South Indian movies. You wouldn’t be surprised to see a guy pulling out a pistol, rotating it flamboyantly on his finger a couple of times, flick it behind his back, catch it with his left toe, from where he angles it to the corner of his shoulder bone and goes on to make complete use of his given body. Back in the 16^th centuries Chola warriors supposedly did this kinda thing against sworn enemies like the Marathas. It induced such a magnitude of continuous laughter amongst the enemy that the Marathas ultimately suffered a cardiac arrest and died on the battlefield thus losing the 3^rd war of Madurai or whatever.

Arguments between the rabid and hysterical fans of contemporary South Indian actors are only matched by the arguments between rabid and hysterical South Indian politicians. All India have to do to win the territorial war against Pakistan is to paste Mamooty posters on the Pakistan Army and let the Mohanlal’s fans club loose. Or vice versa. We’d end up getting Kashmir, and Lahore and Islamabad as well.

Or we could just let Rajnikanth loose. We might even end up getting parts of Scandinavian Norway.

Another technique is commonly in use. High voltage alternating current is made to pass through the human body, causing violent and outrageous bodily movements. These movements are then shown to actor Vijay who brings them out on screen as dance steps. Issac Newton derived gravity from fallen fruit. Apparently, actor Vijay is not fruit.