Statutory warning: Do try to think about what is written here, rather than just read and forget. This is important.
Greetings to one and all who have shown enough panache to take some time and read this article about the gentleman's game, which as of lately is not exactly very gentlemanly , so screw the language.. so yeah. I would like to introduce myself as The Batsman and i'm here to tell you some very interesting facts that make me the superior being in the game.
Cricket is one of the most popular sports in the world, being played in over 12 countries(out of 212 in the world). Media opined that when India won the world cup, it was because of the 1.2 billion prayers. I'd like to point out that 1.19 billion of the population in this god-forsaken country prays for daily food and not for some rich, spoiled brats with wood and leather. Funny how the God was apparently busy for the past 28 years. The media is awesome!!
I recently was very hurt by KD's(also known as haryana hurricane) comment that "Batsman is the officer and bowler is the chaparasi(peon)". *sniff* I'm writing this article to defend the stance of the batsmen(pun intended) and the great game which has made us all billionaires.
When the game of cricket was born, my ancestors got a boon from the GOD(no, not SRT. He wasnt born then) for some unknown reason, that we will rule the game. Who are we to blaspheme. My idea here, is to just state some simple facts and pose some questions.
1. What is wrong with a batsman being allowed to bat for the whole innings(of 20 and 50 overs) while the bowler is allowed only a stipulated number of 4 and 10 overs per innings in T20 n ODIs respectively? I mean, we are doing extra work. Appreciate that. We are batsmen and SRT is one of us. With all due respect, Screw the bowlers.
2. How can you blame the umpire for calling a wide for a ball that goes 2.5mm away from the leg stump. So what if we are allowed to move longitudinally, laterally, diagonally and even rotate where we stand, it cannot be justified that the bowler bowls at the place where we cant hit it.
3. Even though the batsman can bat 3-4metres outside the crease and jump out like an African primate, at will, it would be blasphemy if the bowlers heel is not touching the crease. How angelic.
4. The free hit can be justified by all means. Who the hell gave the bowlers the power to imitate the almighty batsman by stepping out of the crease. We take away your only prized possession, our wicket, for one ball. You deserve due punishment.
5. We need all the protection that we have. The others dont. It really isnt a concern to anyone, if a ball @ 275 kmph from our bat may smash open the bowler's heads, maim fielders and kill umpires.
6. The batsmen are allowed switch hit, reverse sweeps and other heavy artilleries including helicopters( made famous by MSD) and gunships, which doesnt mean that the bowler can innovate and bowl more than one bouncers per over or try to attempt bodyline. I mean, come on. We are humans too.
7.The likes of Brian Lara look amazingly gracious when they do a little bharatanatyam(traditional classical dance form) before smashing every ball out of the park, but it caused the Great Global recession when muralidaran's bowling arm had an angular twist exceeding the prescribed 5 degrees by approx. 2.35 degrees. OH GOD IN HEAVEN. BLASPHEMY!!!
8. The field restrictions are completely justified. I mean, if there are fielders everywhere from the word go, how are we supposed to score runs eh. Explain that first.
Now, i'd like to bring forth some suggestions that will work in favour of a brighter future for the game.
1. Yorkers should be called illegal and followed by a free hit, the reason being lucid. WE cant hit yorkers and tend to get out.
2. The bowling speeds should be limited to 120kmph and those deliveries above this speed should be deemed as no-balls(free hit optional)
3. Lasith Malinga should be banned from international cricket. We dont like him very much.
4. Try including Dale Steyn, Shaun Tait, Morkel and the others in the above category.
5. The bowlers should have one hand tied behind their back while taking the run up.
6. The bowler should inform the batsman via. the umpire about the variations(like slower ones, bouncers, in swingers, reverse swings, googlies, doosra etc) which he is planning to incorporate in his next delivery. Am I supposed to guess what you are going to do? That is so not fair.
I hope the stalwarts at ICC are listening. This, right here, is what you need to revolutionise the game. And Mr.KD, i suppose i've cleared all your doubts. Never question the batsman, you lowly bowler. hmph!!
Greetings to one and all who have shown enough panache to take some time and read this article about the gentleman's game, which as of lately is not exactly very gentlemanly , so screw the language.. so yeah. I would like to introduce myself as The Batsman and i'm here to tell you some very interesting facts that make me the superior being in the game.
Cricket is one of the most popular sports in the world, being played in over 12 countries(out of 212 in the world). Media opined that when India won the world cup, it was because of the 1.2 billion prayers. I'd like to point out that 1.19 billion of the population in this god-forsaken country prays for daily food and not for some rich, spoiled brats with wood and leather. Funny how the God was apparently busy for the past 28 years. The media is awesome!!
I recently was very hurt by KD's(also known as haryana hurricane) comment that "Batsman is the officer and bowler is the chaparasi(peon)". *sniff* I'm writing this article to defend the stance of the batsmen(pun intended) and the great game which has made us all billionaires.
When the game of cricket was born, my ancestors got a boon from the GOD(no, not SRT. He wasnt born then) for some unknown reason, that we will rule the game. Who are we to blaspheme. My idea here, is to just state some simple facts and pose some questions.
1. What is wrong with a batsman being allowed to bat for the whole innings(of 20 and 50 overs) while the bowler is allowed only a stipulated number of 4 and 10 overs per innings in T20 n ODIs respectively? I mean, we are doing extra work. Appreciate that. We are batsmen and SRT is one of us. With all due respect, Screw the bowlers.
2. How can you blame the umpire for calling a wide for a ball that goes 2.5mm away from the leg stump. So what if we are allowed to move longitudinally, laterally, diagonally and even rotate where we stand, it cannot be justified that the bowler bowls at the place where we cant hit it.
3. Even though the batsman can bat 3-4metres outside the crease and jump out like an African primate, at will, it would be blasphemy if the bowlers heel is not touching the crease. How angelic.
4. The free hit can be justified by all means. Who the hell gave the bowlers the power to imitate the almighty batsman by stepping out of the crease. We take away your only prized possession, our wicket, for one ball. You deserve due punishment.
5. We need all the protection that we have. The others dont. It really isnt a concern to anyone, if a ball @ 275 kmph from our bat may smash open the bowler's heads, maim fielders and kill umpires.
6. The batsmen are allowed switch hit, reverse sweeps and other heavy artilleries including helicopters( made famous by MSD) and gunships, which doesnt mean that the bowler can innovate and bowl more than one bouncers per over or try to attempt bodyline. I mean, come on. We are humans too.
7.The likes of Brian Lara look amazingly gracious when they do a little bharatanatyam(traditional classical dance form) before smashing every ball out of the park, but it caused the Great Global recession when muralidaran's bowling arm had an angular twist exceeding the prescribed 5 degrees by approx. 2.35 degrees. OH GOD IN HEAVEN. BLASPHEMY!!!
8. The field restrictions are completely justified. I mean, if there are fielders everywhere from the word go, how are we supposed to score runs eh. Explain that first.
Now, i'd like to bring forth some suggestions that will work in favour of a brighter future for the game.
1. Yorkers should be called illegal and followed by a free hit, the reason being lucid. WE cant hit yorkers and tend to get out.
2. The bowling speeds should be limited to 120kmph and those deliveries above this speed should be deemed as no-balls(free hit optional)
3. Lasith Malinga should be banned from international cricket. We dont like him very much.
4. Try including Dale Steyn, Shaun Tait, Morkel and the others in the above category.
5. The bowlers should have one hand tied behind their back while taking the run up.
6. The bowler should inform the batsman via. the umpire about the variations(like slower ones, bouncers, in swingers, reverse swings, googlies, doosra etc) which he is planning to incorporate in his next delivery. Am I supposed to guess what you are going to do? That is so not fair.
I hope the stalwarts at ICC are listening. This, right here, is what you need to revolutionise the game. And Mr.KD, i suppose i've cleared all your doubts. Never question the batsman, you lowly bowler. hmph!!
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