Our take on Facebook..

You might have heard of my dad, Mr.Mark S.uckerberg and the bunch of ladies rumoured to be my mums; the likes of the Twinklevoss twins(names altered for the sake of the alliteration) and someone whose name rhymes with Requirdo Ramouring. Dad fornicated my mum/s without their consent and VOILA!!! I was born. Who am I? I am the self-proclaimed saviour of the world from the wrath (ok, i tend to exaggerate) of Okrut. I still dont understand how that thing got popular. Okrut isnt even a proper word. But not me. I am not just a social network. I have an identity of my own. I am a proper word, when you read parts of me, one at a time. A face for you to recognise. I even have a god damn book. Though it didnt make sense, the previous line was included just for the sake of introducing my ground-shattering name which sends millions of bodies around the world undergo a sudden rush of orgasmic high. Yes, I AM THE FACEBOOK!!! (the 'THE' looks out of place. Chuck it.) FACEBOOK!!!

Some of you retards may think 'So whats the big deal with this thing'. Ok. first of all, am not just a thing. I'm a constantly growing living.. well, THING. I thrive on human prosperity. The more you have, the more i get. Dont get me wrong. I'm here to save you from all the tiring chores of a day like employing yourself to earn your daily bread, studying someting so that you dont end up like Bill Gates(I mean College drop out. You would be dumb to think of seeing yourself as a multimillion dollar entreprenuer while your ass wears off  sitting in front of me playing citysville.)and the rest of you from al these useless things that you keep doing. Instead I give you millions of apps, games and quizzes to make better use of your time. I mean,why would you rather not answer intellectually challenging questions like 'how hairy is your left toe' and toil hard on a virtual field making virtual cows give virtual milk and use virtual bacteria and yeast to make virtual cheese out of it, selling it in the market and gaining virtual profit.

There is a reason why dad is the man of the year. He used me to squeeze out all your personal informations and give it to private corporations and allow it to be used for their wild designs. He made you use me like a condom i.e you have this sense of security while you are actually getting screwed. Dad says that he doesnt need money and is going to donate all of it to charity. How benevolent of him to return your money to you which he made by fornicating a hoard of people and in the process earn the tag of a philanthropist. That would suffice as an explaination to why my dad was chosen as the man of the year over Mr. augustian assange who blatanly publishes stolen matter. Suits you right, you theif. hmph.

I'd like to make another confession. The reason why I did not use my influence to win the oscar for best film was not because the movie completely sucked. No, that is why it didnt win. The reason why i didnt use my influence is because oscar isnt important to me. Anyone can win an oscar(even dogs from slums can buy one), but to what matters is how much my fan following and brand value is depending upon the international currency transfer rates..

I'm here to stay and I'll continue with what I'm doing until all of you are dead. Thanks for your support.