Sunday, 29 May 2011

Our Take On the Latest Season of IPL.



The image of a fallen Sourav Ganguly, who wasn’t wanted by anyone in the IPL auction, who then rose up from the ashes, padded up for the Pune Warriors, walked out into the blazing sunshine, the eyes of a cricket crazy nation on him AND…………….got out for a duck.

Symbolic of the anticlimax that the IPL has become. One would think that you would become bored of a couple of months of guys coming on and banging the sphere to all corners of the ground day in and day out. It’s as if even the names of the players are tailor made for entertainment. Where can you see a Gayle playing against a Blizzard anywhere else other than on the radars of the meteorological department or maybe in a crazy video game?  Seriously, Chris Gayle batting like he did wasn’t all that surprising as it was made out in the media to be. If you gave a giant, humongous monster of a West Indian with a strike rate of around 5000 a hard wooden bat and tell him to get on with it, what did you expect?


Even Poonam Pandey got bored and had nothing to say before the IPL final. Rumours are that she’s somewhere in Haiti after a few failed promises during the course of the world cup ;-) And does M.S Dhoni know how to lose? It’s getting increasingly monotonous watching him win everything in the world while coming on at the end of the match saying something to the tune of, “The boys did a fantastic job. I thought it was a good pitch. The opposition (including Pakistan, Sri lanka, Australia, Kolkata, Pune, Newzealand, Shanghai, Kwung Pow and every other place in the world) played well but bad luck.”

 I wonder if MSD could lead the Indian football team to the world cup. The way this is going you’l probably see him giving Cristiano and Messi a few stopovers and crossing it in better than Beckham, lifting the Cup and congratulating his ‘boys’ all over again. Yawn.


Also the renaissance of the greatest orator, on par with John F Kennedy and Martin Luther King, continues - Navjot Singh Sidhu. If NATO had employed this guy to talk to the Libyans, Gaddafi would have ended up tearing his hair out, sending a few planes up and bombing the guts out of his own house to end the misery. A mistake by NATO, that one.



IPL -4 also threw up talented youngsters like Wriddhiman Saha, Ambati Rayudu and Prashant Parameshwaran. The guys at the literary department of Oxford are probably going nuts trying to pronounce these names. Lasith Malinga would’nt look out of place in a jungle, hunting vengeful rhinos by picking up pebbles, yorking them, and breaking their feet.

There are also rumours that Kochi is going to shift its home ground to Ahmedabad. So, in effect if they play a game in Chennai, their away ground will be closer to them than their home ground. How amazingly well-planned out. Might as well have made the home ground in South Africa or someplace.

And is anyone getting the eerie feeling that the IPL is becoming more like the English Premier League with every season? Players getting transferred, home and away games. So much so that R.Ashwin, the young spinner, compared his Chennai team to Manchester United! Imagine Alex Ferguson pulling on a Lungi while rooting for L.Balaji and plotting a Strategic Timeout. Lol.



Wonder what inventions we’l have in IPL 5. The way it’s gone, we might have a few more cheerleaders, the umpires might make their entrance while moonwalking, the Somali pirates may be hired to catch the attention of the crowd, and at the end of it all Dhoni would be grinning all over his cup. The Indian Volleyball League is coming up. Anyone interested?






Friday, 27 May 2011

Our take on India's list of top 50 most wanted terrorists....

For all those of who appreciated what we do, We are back again..

This time around we'd like to be very serious and put forward our thoughts regarding issues of national importance. Did any of you happen to hear about the glorious LIST OF MOST WANTED CRIMINALS published recently by the effi(ng)cient govt??. So god darn efficient that some of those in the list were actually caught years before the list is actually published. All those who blame the govt. and home ministry should look at the bright side of things. I mean, how many countries can boast of a police force that can arrest criminals even before the govt. orders them to be arrested.

The govt. now stands accountable for this mix-up. Imagine if Pakistan starts to mock us about our glaring incompetency. I mean, how bad would you feel if Chris Gayle made fun of you cuz ur not fair(No, i did not mean that our neighbour is a talented batsman). Home minister P.Chidambaram has a very lucid explanation for all that transpired which he, like a genius, summed up in two words. Printing Mistake. How very enlightening. Mr.Chidambaram probably uses a printer that was ordered by Kalmadi and co. I think our govt. believes in numerology. How else would they come up with such a presentable number of 50. Even people from rainforest of Amazon know that there are more than that. Maybe the govt. doesnt WANT the rest of them because they are getting what they want, if you know what i mean..

Yeah. So the big picture right now is Mother India looking like Mallika sherawat(guys, that iss bad by the way!!). One of the guys in this insidious list was selling saris in thane. lol. One has to wonder if this little glitch will affect his credibility as a salesman. Another is already in jail. This is what happens when you dont update your database regularly. Why dont they put one of the Infosys premiers to work on it. There are a lot of them, right. The list is up for scrutiny. My bet is that at least 2-3 of those in the list are MLA's or MP's in the country.

Some parliamentarians put forward a US-like attack on pakistan to flush out Dawood Ibrahim but were later made to shut up by others with a working brain. They simply dont realise that with our virtouos and efficacious media, a feat of such magnitude is impossible to achieve. Mainly because the surprise element of the surprise attack will be nullified by 24*7 updates on army movements.

The govt. just showed the amount of intense neglect and laxity that it puts to tackle our biggest problem. With such an incredibly prodigious govt. governing I can rest assure and proudly say that India is in safe hands (of those in that list..)